According to the story, after every Quantas Airlines flight the pilots complete a ‘gripe sheet’ report, which conveys to the ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight.
The engineer reads the form, corrects the problem, and then writes details of action taken on the lower section of the form for the pilot to review before the next flight.
It is clear from the examples below that ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humor - these are supposedly real extracts from gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally, Quantas has the best safety record of all the world’s major airlines.
(1 = The problem logged by the pilot.) (2 = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
1) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
2) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
1) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
1) Something loose in cockpit.
2) Something tightened in cockpit.
1) Dead bugs on windshield.
2) Live bugs on back-order.
1) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
2) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
1) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
2) Evidence removed.
1) DME volume unbelievably loud.
2) DME volume set to more believable level.
1) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
2) That’s what they’re there for.
1) IFF inoperative.
2) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
1) Suspected crack in windshield.
2) Suspect you’re right.
1) Number 3 engine missing.
2) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
1) Aircraft handles funny.
2) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
1) Target radar hums.
2) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
1) Mouse in cockpit.
2) Cat installed.
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The Emergency Operator takes a call from a very agitated young man.
“Send help fast!” he yells, “Her contractions have started. The baby’s coming hurry, hurry! The operator says, “Sir, you must calm down. I have to get some information.”
“O.K., O.K.,” shouts the man, “just hurry!”
“That’s better.” says the operator, “Tell me now, is this her first child?”
“No, you idiot!” screams the man, “This is her husband!”
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Air force one and the farmerAir Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed, with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President’s staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man’s actor. “Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?” “Yep. Sure did.” The man muttered unconcernedly. “Do you realize that is the President of the United States’ airplane?” “Yep.” “Were there any survivors?” the agent gasped. “Nope. They’s all kilt straight out.” The farmer sighed cutting of his tractor motor. “I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.” “The President of the United States is DEAD?” The agent gulped in disbelief. “Yep, he kept a-saying he wasn’t … but you know what a liar he is!”
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For those that wish to know how to build a proper corporate website, this is the model for it.
Click here to visit WE DO STUFF
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During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.
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“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?”
St. Peter asked.
“Well! I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground.” I yelled, “Now, back off biker boy or you’ll answer to me!”
St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen?”
“Just a couple minutes ago.”
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Smiley Face Is Serious to Company
By THOMAS CRAMPTON
Published: July 5, 2006
PARIS — In the battle of the smiley face, it’s not just who smiled first that counts, but also where and how.
Frown-inducing accusations have been flying in a trademark dispute between Wal-Mart Stores and a company owned by a French family over American commercial rights to the ubiquitous yellow symbol for happiness. Both parties say they expect victory when the United States Patent and Trademark Office rules on the case this summer.
Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, says the yellow face has long personified its price-reducing policy, while SmileyWorld, the London-based company that first registered rights to the symbol decades ago, says its globally established business stands at risk.
“A prehistoric man probably invented the smiley face in some cave, but I certainly was the first to register it as a trademark,” said Franklin Loufrani, 63, who says he initially registered the design with the French trademark authorities in October 1971. “When it comes to commercial use, registration is what counts.”
What really counts is the lunacy of some people wanting to register everything from Santa Clause to the Tooth Fairy as a trademark and worse yet the government entities that grant those trademarks.
Unlike most countries in Europe and Asia, however, the United States operates under a system in which being the first to register a trademark bears less weight than being the first to exploit a symbol commercially, said Burkhart Goebel, the global head of the intellectual property practice at the law firm Lovells.
“We may live in the era of globalization, but trademarks are still rooted in territoriality,” Mr. Goebel said. “A trademark filed in one country has almost no impact in another.”
Marc E. Ackerman, a New York-based partner at the White & Case law firm and a specialist in United States trademark law, said, “Here in the U.S., we consider how heavily a trademark is used, and that would give SmileyWorld a big uphill battle.”
Yeah that and Wal-Mart’s lawyers can beat up Smiley World’s lawyers.
The most widely credited claim for inventing the smiley face goes to Harvey R. Ball, for the smiley yellow button he made for the State Mutual Life Assurance Company of America, a Massachusetts-based company, in 1963. Mr. Ball, a graphic artist, was paid $45 for creating a button intended to cheer employees during a rocky merger with an out-of-town company, according to his 2001 obituary in The Worcester Telegram & Gazette in Massachusetts.
Although irked by reports that Mr. Loufrani claimed to invent the smiley, Mr. Ball never attempted to trademark the symbol or commercially exploit it.
Mr. Loufrani, however, built a business from royalties collected on a symbol he claimed to have trademarked in 98 countries, for use over a wide range of product categories.
So basically this guy filed a bunch of trademarks on something he never invented and was not an original idea at all, governments granted him those trademarks, then he made a living charging people to use an idea that wasn’t his in the first place. Now he is complaining that the idea that was never his is being used without his permission and that his free lunch might be lost. Boo hoo.
He makes no monetary claim over the 
sent in e-mail messages (”That’s just punctuation”). But Mr. Loufrani said SmileyWorld did win a case last June against the use of a smiley face on the home page of AOL France.
The battle with Wal-Mart was touched off when SmileyWorld filed for a United States trademark in 1997 for the exclusive right to commercial use and licensing of the term “smiley” in conjunction with the face logo. SmileyWorld’s original application, which tried to trademark the smiley face itself, was rejected by the Patent and Trademark Office because of the design’s common widespread use, according to the company’s lawyer, Steven Baron.
To Wal-Mart, which has photographs of smiley faces in its stores dating back to 1996, Mr. Loufrani is a trademark troll registering the symbol in as many product categories as possible.
Exactly.
“They are applying for rights over the smiley face in product categories that include animal semen,” John Simley, a Wal-Mart spokesman, said. “It shows they are trying to trademark everything they possibly can.”
Wal-Mart lodged a notice of opposition to SmileyWorld’s trademark application and then filed a separate application to trademark the smiley face in relation to retail services.
In response, SmileyWorld filed a notice of opposition to Wal-Mart’s application on the grounds that its own attempt to trademark the face had been rejected. To overcome objections that the smiley face is within the public domain, Wal-Mart asserts a long history of “prior use” in retail services, Mr. Simley said.
That a happy face can cause such rancor should be no surprise, said Tom Blackett, the group deputy chairman of Interbrand, a branding consulting firm based in London.
“This dispute shows how much value companies put in symbols,” Mr. Blackett said. “In the era of distinctive trademarks like the Nike swoosh, companies will go a long way to defend their perceived territory.”
It was Forest Gump that
invented the Smiley face
Everyone knows that.
Run Forest Run!
Click on Forest to read
the rest of that story.
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