The world is a mad, bad place…
by Ben Trovato

You will have heard by now that al-Qaeda has introduced strict new security measures on flights from Britain to the United States. Passengers are complaining bitterly about the delays, but I think the move is long overdue.

Whenever I fly with Brenda, she packs so many lotions, potions, gels and unguents that I end up having to pay excess baggage. This won’t be a problem any more.

Meanwhile, unconfirmed reports leaked from a fortified cave in the Tora Bora region suggest that al-Qaeda is bringing out an exciting new range of men’s clothing. Scheduled for release throughout Europe this winter, the bulky jackets and matching shirts come in a range of muted colours with hints of peach and mint.

The fabric is eco-friendly hemp that has been carefully treated with liquid nitroglycerin. A few minutes of friction against an airline seat and kaboom, goodbye scratchy jacket, goodbye annoying passengers, goodbye plane.

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