Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Tom Lehrer, lecturing in “The Nature of Math”, 4/4/90
US humorist, singer, & songwriter (1928 - )

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend’s tongue during a heated French kiss, an Israeli hospital that reattached the tongue said Thursday.

Nahariya Hospital said in a statement the man, injured while “passionately kissing his girlfriend,” was discharged after the operation and advised to sip iced drinks and “avoid wet kisses” until the stitched wound healed.

Runaway Teens Blog

The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

Runaway Teens Blog

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John’s seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line.

He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it?

The man replied that it was his wife’s seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn’t find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

“No” replied the man, “They’re at her funeral!”