Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

This young lad got himself a girlfriend. He has been dating her for a few weeks and she’s just agreed for them to have sex on the condition that he uses a condom.

He goes to the chemist to buy some condoms but there are a lot of women around so he comes over all shy and decides to buy a dummy.

The next day he goes back to the chemist same thing happens again but this time he buys a pair of tweezers.

On the third day he’s getting really hot and horny, goes back into the chemist, the chemist is empty with a beautiful assistant behind the counter. He shyly goes up to the counter and asks for packet of condoms. The assistant turns rounds and asks him “R u gona SUCKA PLUKA or FUCKA.”

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A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100…. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

“It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

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The chiefs of staff for the 4 branches of the service were sitting around drinking brandy, smoking cigars, and bragging to each other.

The Marine general spoke up and said “marine privates have the most guts, watch this.” He yells, “Private,” and a man comes running up. “Sir, yes Sir.” “I want you to go out there and catch this mortar I am launching…. with that the private ran out into the field and caught the mortar, and blew up.

The Army general spoke up “that’s pretty impressive but watch this.” “Private, front and center.” “Yes Sir,” yelled the private. “I want you to go out to that mine field and do cartwheels,” the general said; and with that the private did cartwheels and blew-up.

The Navy admiral stood up and said “pretty impressive but watch this.” “Seaman, report to the hard deck.” “Aye, aye sir,” the seaman said. “I want you to jump into the ocean and stop that aircraft carrier from leaving dock.” So the seaman jumped into the water and tried to grab the blades and was cut to pieces.

Now the Air Force general seeing all of this smiles and speaks up “pretty impressive, pretty impressive, now if you wanna see an Airman with some real balls watch this.” “Airman, come here.” This Airman comes walking up with is hands in his pockets and says “Yeah?” “Airman I want you to run out there and stop that F-16 from taking off.”

The airman turns to look at the plane and back at the general. “Sir if you want that plane stopped, do it your damn self.” then turns and walks away. Upon this, the Air Force general stands up and says, well now that takes some real balls

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