Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

I found this year in review post to be right on the money and wanted to share it with you here.

The ‘Fear in Review’: Diary of a Scared Congress

Dear Diary:

As a freshman Congressman from the Democratic Class of ‘06, I had high hopes of doing some serious ass Bush-kicking, but as things turned out, it looks as if we were whipped like a non-neo-con on a southern Cheney gang. Here are some of the lowlights:

1. Iraq. OK, we only worked on non-binding resolutions to restrict funding for Iraq, but we did manage to put them in a … binder! But I have to admit Dubya got the upper hand once again, claiming that we’d be a bunch of wusses unless we personally participated in the surge in Sadr City. Well, Xmas in Baghdad’s not exactly like home, especially since there’s not even enough electricity to light the tree. But the news is not all bad: Jack Murtha has collected another purple heart, and they say a pretty good fireworks show is expected on New Year’s Eve.

2. Iran. Speaking of non-binding resolutions, when are we finally gonna learn to read the small print on these damn Administration proposals. Now both the Iranian Revolutionary Guards, and the Democrat Party, are labeled “terrorist organizations.”

Ok, time for my headlines for 2008. Everyone else did it so I am compelled to do one myself. But these are predictions from WhoLetTheBlogOut.com so get ready! I got some help from some people at propeller.com. Well . . . they didn’t know they were helping, but I included them anyway.

Bush Announces Haliburton to get no-bid contract to construct Iranian Nucular Plant

slate from propeller -Helen Thomas named as one of the most beautiful women in the World by Times magazine

Baseball Hall Of Fame to to increase its’ size dramatically in a very short time to make room for Items Associated with Athletes that used Growth Hormones

aceofspades1 from propeller - Rudy takes oath of office in drag - Larry Craig taps on podium

Tom Brady gets set to break even more Records as he is drafted by the LA Lakers

ranchhand from propeller - Hillary promises Americans if She is elected a mexican with a bag of pot and two suv’s in every garage

Iraq becomes 51st State. Puerto Ricans Protest Turns Violent.

aceofspades1 from propeller - Oprah Has Obama On TV Show - Gives Him Away to Audience

Usama Bin Laden Captured at 711 where he works. Said Attacks on the World Trade Center was supposed to happen in July, not September.

ranchhand from propeller - Obama & Hillary Caught in Underwear. Said He was being Briefed.

Supreme Court Gives Control of Nobel Committee over to Dick Cheney. Ex-President George Bush receives Nobel Peace Prize.

Rinty from propeller - “BILL O’REILLY WINS NEWS MAN OF THE YEAR”

Hannity of Fox News Sued by Putin. Claims “Hannity’s America” was identical to “Putin’s Russia”, which he created first

sumptuousdigs from propeller - Wilbur Post and Mr. Ed named in Steroid Scandal!

Bin Laden to be Marie Osmond’s Dance Partner on Dancing With The Stars.

cowboygrandpa from propeller - Herman Munster admits he took the Human Growth drug for his role as Herman.

Ex-President Bush Loses in First Round on TV Show, Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.

ranchhand from propeller - Edwards announces New Line of hair Products. ” Presidential Plus” Guaranteed to take on wind

Daily Newspapers in Major Markets begin to Deliver Papers on Sunday and refer users to their Blogs the rest of the week

Spadecaller from propeller - “George Bush Jr. Assigns brother, Jeb Bush, to Insure Intergrity of the 2008 Election.”

OJ Found Not Guilty By Reason of Stupidity By All Stupid Jury. Defense Lawyers Admit Using IQ Tests to Select Jurors.

The Paris Hilton Diet, AnorexicPlus, Kills 200

George Bush Declares Social Bookmarking Illegal Saying Socialism has no place in this Country

New Book Released Called “What Does Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and Britney Spear’s Panties have in Common?”

Microsoft Buys Google. Does Away With Do No Evil Slogan

OpenID Hacked. Technical Gurus Admit in Retrospect having Everyone’s Passwords all in One Place was not a Good Idea.

Google Monetizes “Cached” Webpages - Owners of Websites Left Out Of Profits

Bill Gates Sues AT&T. Claims Patent by Alexander Graham Bell Infringes on Several Microsoft Patents

Bush Urges Congress to let him Invade Belgium. Says Evidence that Belgium Has UFOs is Overwhelming.

RSS Feed Implant Made Available for Your Children. Parents Now Get Up-to-the-minute updates on whatever their children are doing

Italy Declares War on France. Ends in Tie. Both Countries Still Winless.

After a one-year wait, the 50th Person to see Jessica Simpson’s New Movie Blonde Ambition Wins A Date With Her.

Ex-President Bush Accused of Affair with Lindsay Lohan while in Rehab Together

Mike Tyson Undergoes Sex Change in Switzerland. Promoters say his Next Title Fight against Hillary Clinton will be the Highest Grossing Fight in History.

Wal-Mart Raises it’s Average Wage to $3 per hour

Playboy Publishes All Text Version For Men Who Only Buy It For The Stories

Al-Queda Claims Responsibility For Leaning Tower of Pisa

Bush Awarded an Oscar for his Performance Involving the Iraq War

NE Patriots Sweep the Yankees in the World Series After Perfect Season. Steinbrenner Buys Patriots team, Sells Yankees

New Mphone Released by Microsoft Using a Dialer instead of a touchpad. One User States “It’s Great! You put your finger in a small hole and spin it around to the top for each number you want to dial! Great Fun! What will Microsoft Invent Next?”

Class Action Suit Filed Against Yahoo by the People of West Virginia over the Name Yahoo

Little League Quarterback, Lester Goodman of the Lake Watchamacallit Eagles Football Team Accused of Steroid Use

Bill Cosby Loses Contract With Jello After Revealing That Jello Contains Growth hormones

In Related News, Barry Bonds Claims He ate a lot of Jello and Unknowingly Took Steroids by doing so

Additional Charges Brought Against OJ for Resisting Arrest. He can be heard on tape saying, “Don’t Tase Me Bro!”

The Democratic Party Added to List of Terroist Organizations by Dick Cheney. Hillary Clinton helps swing the vote in Congress for the bill to pass.

Hillary Clinton to be on Next Girls Gone Wild Video to Save Her Presidential Campaign. Critics Claim Husband Bill Used His Contacts to get her a spot in the video

You may not want to share some of the things you did in 2007 with your grandchildren. If you did any of these things in 2007, destroy all of the evidence or your grandchildren may find cause to declare you with diminished capacity and put you in that nursing home after all.

If you were upset or depressed or thought “it was like wrong, totally”, because paris Hilton had to go to jail, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you joined the church of scientology after seeing Tom Cruise on a talk show, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you stood in line or slept on a sidewalk to pay $600 for a Wii or an iPhone, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you spent any time at all following the misadventures of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan, while missing stories like this; “January 11 - China successfully tests a ground-based ballistic missile capable of destroying satellites in orbit”, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you stood in Line so you could be the first one to get the latest Harry Potter Book and you are over 11 years old, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you decided to vote for Barack Obama because Oprah Winfrey endorsed him and that “was good enough for you”, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you once again believed that OJ Simpson is not guilty or plan to do some looting after he is convicted, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you shared the youtube video with your friends about the dumbass who is now famous for the phrase, “Don’t Tase Me Bro”, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you found yet two more reality tv shows to add to your must watch list, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you said Brett Favre should retire this year because he doesn’t really have the arm anymore, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you used the phrase, “I read it in wikipedia” to try and win an argument, you may not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you bought a new computer because the sign on it said “Windows Vista Compatible”, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you made a bet that the Chicago Bears would return to the superbowl, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you thought that using, “I read it on Matt Cutts’ Blog”, would win an argument, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you held a prayer vigil because Bob Barker retired from The Price Is Right, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you browsed the Internet searching for a paparazzi picture of Britney Spears with no panties on, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If this headline, “U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney serves as Acting President for two and a half hours, while President George W. Bush undergoes a colonoscopy procedure.” didn’t scare you, or you did not know this until just now, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you purchased anything that said you could get rich on the Internet only working about 4 hours per month, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

If you thought this news story, “A mix of anatomical traits on a 40,000-year-old partial human skeleton unearthed in China supported the controversial possibility of interbreeding among Stone Age Homo species” was put out to support the cause of gay marriage, you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

Additional news from 2007:

This year, Researchers found the largest hole in the universe, a billion light-year-wide region devoid of matter. In related news, the presidential campaigns were reported to be much the same.

Mice bred to lack a gene involved in brain-cell communication developed excessive grooming and other problems that may represent an animal model of obsessive-compulsive disorder. This scientific discovery explains meterosexuals.

And the last news story in the world of science; “Investigators identified brain areas that contribute to the ability to forget disturbing memories on purpose.” This will help you forget the things you might not want to tell your grandchildren.

In a new book, Mexico’s former president, Vicente Fox, says that President Bush’s Spanish is at grade school-level.

President Bush responded by saying “I believe all Americans should speak and read spanish as well as they do english.”

Breaking Story From CAP News;

Montana First State To Ban “Why Are You Hitting Yourself?”

HELENA, Mont. (CAP) - In a stunning move today, the Montana State Senate ratified a controversial new law which bans children from playing the age-old game, “Why are you hitting yourself?”

Popular among American children since the 1930s, the rules of the game are simple: an older sibling sits on top of a younger sibling and then forces the younger child to pummel the living bejesus out of him or herself, all the while chanting rythmically, “Why are you hitting yourself?”

These are some headlines you may see someday in association with Google Inc. Which of these are real and which ones did I make up?

Google to compete with Commission Junction with new Affiliate Program

Google to sell Radio and TV advertising.

Google opens GoogleMart to compete with Wal-Mart

Google to sell Advertising on Mobile Phones

Google to compete with Microsoft Office

Google Gamer System to Compete with Xbox and Playstation

Google to launch own Operating System to compete with Windows

Google to compete with PayPal

Google to launch Video Game Development Company

Google to launch it’s own VOIP system for Internet Calls

Google to offer free Wireless Internet in some Cities

Google to compete with Libraries to provide Free Books Online

Google Credit to compete with the Big 3 Credit Reporting Agencies

Google to launch it’s own Computer Brand, Google PC

Google to give away Free Laptop Computers

Google to compete with Match.com and other Dating Websites

Google launches Social Networking site to Compete with Digg, Propeller, facebook, and Others

Can you pick the fakes from the real headlines?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), ), with more than 1.8 million members and supporters, is the largest animal rights organization in the world.

They wish not to be confused with the former owners of the PETA.org domain name, People Eating Tasty Animals.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA tells WhoLetTheBlogOut.com Reporters that she is once again outraged. (We have learned that she rarely is found not to be outraged at something. “But this time it’s about the murderers who drive our roads”, she says.

From The NYTimes
By JIM ROBBINS

As Cars Hit More Animals on Roads, Toll Rises

Ingrid says her surveillance caught this guy swerving away to miss an animal crossing the road but wants us to know that “this is not enough! Animals are still being hit by cars and we will not rest until every car is taken off the road!”

BOZEMAN, Mont. — On a dark highway near Anchorage, Specialist Steven Cavanaugh of the Army, who had survived 300 missions in Iraq, was critically injured in December when his vehicle hit a moose. Specialist Cavanaugh died Dec. 6.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA tells WhoLetTheBlogOut.com Reporters that while she is not seeking the death penalty for hitting an animal on the road, she wishes to protect these animals at any cost.

During her work as a humane officer, Ingrid discovered the enormous amount of animal abuse taking place behind closed doors in laboratories, on factory farms, etc. She met Alex Pacheco when he volunteered at the shelter she worked at, and he gave her a copy of Peter Singer’s book Animal Liberation. It inspired her to found PETA in 1980 with the goals of investigating, publicizing and ending animal cruelty.

Since its founding, PETA has exposed horrific cruelty in animal laboratories, leading to canceled funding, closed facilities, and hundreds of charges filed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture; closed the largest horse-slaughtering operation in North America; convinced dozens of designers to stop using fur; cleaned up substandard animal shelters; helped schools find alternatives to dissection; provided information on vegetarianism, companion animal care, and countless other issues to millions of people.

And now vows she will get cars off the road as well!

In the early morning darkness in Lincoln, Mont., in October, a pickup slammed into a 830-pound grizzly bear. The driver survived, but the bear was among seven grizzlies — a record for one year — killed by vehicles this year statewide.

When asked about this case, Ingrid vowed to “Protect grizzly bears against murderous drivers everywhere. Our grizzlies are being killed by motor vehicles at the alarming rate of one time per, well . . . one time.”

In addition to the loss of life, the accidents can be expensive. The average cost of a deer collision is $8,000, including repair, towing and cleaning up the carcass, while hitting an elk averages $18,000. If the driver strikes a much larger moose, expenses average about $30,000.

Ingrid commented on this by saying that these killer drivers should also pay a fine, which of course would go right into the PETA fund for prosecuting drivers who murder animals.

From lileks.com

This would seem to be a segment of an intestine from some creature that ingested the fender from an old DeSoto. In any case, it’s alarmingly aerodynamic, this meat; very modern and streamlined. Perhaps this recipe hails from the 1939 World’s Fair.

Note! the vegetables are strictly ornamental.

Visit Vegetus.org for more cartoons

This has of course just been a parody and since PETA loves to sue anyone who crosses there path, we want you to know this is a parody. Ingrid said none of the above statements. Please don’t sue us Ingrid. I haven’t ran over an animal for a real long time. Well, do armadillos count? It wasn’t my fault. Really! The armadillo attacked my car! I was defending myself!

The Good Old Days
Grandpa and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days,” when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.

With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, “Honey, where are you going?”

Grandpa replied, “To get my teeth!”

I found this hilarious and wanted to share it here. It’s from CAP News.

Survivor In Da Hood

Fans of Survivor will recognize the formula: a group of people (all white, in this case) are set down in an unfamiliar environment where they not only must survive, but also compete against each other to see who will be the sole survivor. The Newark location, however, provides a number of interesting twists.

WhoLetTheBlogOut.com Photographers have been hard at work scouring the Internet for photos to steal so we can bring you news you can’t use 24 hours per day!