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USA Today To Run Only Pictures Of Attractive People

MCLEAN, Va. (CAP) - In a move that industry analysts say illustrates the challenges facing traditional media outlets, the Gannet company announced this week that it would run only photos of attractive people in its newspapers, including USA Today.

Who Let The Blog Out has obtained a newspaper from the year 2048. This exclusive report can only be found on WhoLetTheBlogOut.com. So take a walk with us 41 years into the future and see what we have to look forward to.

Osama Bin Laden Reward Raised to $50,000,000 In Effort To Capture The Elusive Terrorist.

President Svedlana Bush Urges Congress To Pass Bill Nullifying The US Constitution Vowing To Finsh What Her Grandfather Started.

Troop Surge In Iraq Is Achieving Success According To GOP Leaders.

Iran’s Nuclear Program Nearing Completion According To Haliburton, The Contractor Involved In The Project.

Bill Would Reinstate The Legality Of Marriage Between People Of The Opposite Sex.

Latest Paris Hilton Sex tape Labeled Gross By Critics.

Fanatical Scientologist Suicide Bombings On The Rise.

FBI Most Wanted Terrorist Tom Cruise Escapes Capture.

Wal-Mart Forms Own Government.

Election News: Saudi Arabia Gains 25 Seats In US Senate.

Mandatory Steroid Use Rules In Effect In Major League Baseball. Non-Users Disciplined By Baseball Commissioner.

Brett Favre To Retire After This Year.

FCC Approves NewsCorp To Be America’s Only News Source.

Ex-President Lou Dobbs Embraces Illegal Immigration As Answer To America’s Labor Problems.

Rush Limbaugh Jr. Files For Disability Due To Anal Cysts. Claims Cannot Continue To Sit Behind The Mike At His Radio Show.

Judge Rules Britney Spears An Unfit Grandmother.

The Poor Tailor and the French Restaurant

Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant’s kitchen.

One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for ‘enjoyment of food’. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, “You’re enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.”

Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.”

The judge turns to Abraham and said, “What do you have to say to that?”

Abraham didn’t say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, “What is the meaning of that?”

Abraham replied, “I’m paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.”

After learning of the recent lawsuits the AP, Associated Press, has been filing against bloggers for copyright infringement, the family of Abraham Licoln have decided to follow their example.

The AP recently announced that you cannot even quote a small portion of any news story they or their subscribers print. They also claim you cannot reuse a photo, even if it is a smaller version and links back to the original story.

The AP has a team of lawyers and they feel that even though “Fair Use” is legal, their lawyers can beat up any lawyers hired by bloggers and can go completely against the actual copyright laws as they are written.

So the family of Abe Linbcoln is now sending out cease and desist letter for anyone who is quoting the famed president anywhere. Any instances of the Gettysburgh Address must be removed from all history books and website immediately unless you pay them a royalty.

Who Let The Blog Out has also learned that families of other famous people are considering similar lawsuits. Quoting the spokesperson for the family of Benjamin Franklin, “This may also include the use of quotes in email and forum signatures.”

In related news, Jessica Alba’s attorneys have suggested that mentally envsioning the actress, even in your dreams, is another possible copyright violation. He admits that it may be hard to prove that you are picturing Jessica Alba in lingerie, but that they are looking into ways to at least sue those who admit doing so.

A story on the News And Media Blog inspired this completely unreliable news story.

Got this in an email from one of Who Let The Blog Out’s anonymous and completely unreliable sources.

The following questionnaire was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there. Management made the web department take it down immediately.
_____________________

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr.

[_] Mrs.

[_] Ms.

[_] Miss

[_] Lt.

[_] Gen.

[_] Comrade

[_] Classified

[_] Other

First Name: ………………………………………..

Initial: ……..

Last Name………………………………………….

Password: ………………………… (max. 8 char)

Code Name: …………………………………………

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ……….. …………

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[ ] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19… /…. /…..

4. Serial Number: …………………………………

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[ ] Catalogue / showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Air-to-Air Missiles

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Home Computer

[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal check

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveler’s check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / misinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word “absquatulation” has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.

No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours.

In a televised speech this evening, Bush will announce plans to refocus the nation’s efforts in the war on terror with the war on somebody bad.

TRUE STORY

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member:

I am calling to tell you she died back in January.

Citibank:

The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.

Family Member:

Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.

Citibank:

Since it is two months past due, it already has been.

Family Member:

So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?

Citibank:

Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!

Family Member:

Do you think God will be mad at her?

Citibank:

Excuse me?

Family Member:

Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being dead?

Citibank:

Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member:

I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.

Citibank:

The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.

Family Member:

You mean you want to collect from her estate?

Citibank:

(Stammer) Are you her lawyer?

Family Member:

No, I’m her great nephew. (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank:

Could you fax us a certificate of death?

Family Member:

Sure.(Fax number was given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank:

Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.

Family Member:

Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.

Citibank:

Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.’ (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member:

Would you like her new billing address?

Citibank:

That might help.

Family Member:

Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.

Citibank: Sir, that’s a cemetery!

Family Member:

What do you do with dead people on your planet???

(Priceless!!)