Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

Take a look at this animation. The Icons on your desktop fighting it out. Who will win?

“You know you’re a redneck when……

1 You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2 You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3 Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4 You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5 You think “The Nutcracker” is a vice on the work bench

6 The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7 You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8 You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9 You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Chris tmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.

24. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal*Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV

26. You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

Indian Chief, “Two Eagles,” was asked by a white government official, “You have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. “When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, Plenty beaver, Clean Water; Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; All night having sex.”

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that.”

Steve jobs and Apple are always coming out with something new. We have also learned they now officially own the letter I. Check out their latest new technology!

Steve Jobs Unveils New iTurtleneck

SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Saving his best announcement for his last, Apple CEO Steve Jobs waited until the very end of the Macworld Expo to show off the release of the new iTurtleneck. The news capped a year of speculation among Mac lovers who left last year’s Expo disappointed.

“It’s a state-of-the-art garment,” Jobs told the crowd of excited techno-geeks, none of whom could find a date to bring. “The iTurtleneck includes a wide range of exciting new features and capabilities, yet resembles an ordinary turtleneck. In fact, I’m wearing one now. . .

Try pulling a hat out of a rabbit!

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. “Yale,” she replied.

The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?”

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
“Sir,” the cop says. “Why do you have all those knives?”

“They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.

“I don’t believe you,” says the cop. “Prove it.” So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

“Man,” says the first guy. “I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”

This was just too funny not to report here.

Al Qaeda To Go Younger, Hipper In 2008

KABUL, Afghanistan (CAP) - Facing increasing competition from up-and-coming terrorist organizations, officials for the world’s largest such organization have announced plans for a $200 million marketing makeover in 2008. Next month, al Qaeda will unveil its new slogan, “Get in, get out, get on with martyrdom.”

“We are aim to become of the Menudo of terror groups,” said al Qaeda spokesperson Suit Ohm al-Ybama, referring to the ’80s pop group’s penchant for asking members to leave at the age of 16. “Too much, we have the old man who becomes face of al Qaeda. This is not your father’s terror group!”