Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

Hillary Hits Campaign Trail In Cuba

HAVANA, Cuba (CAP) - It’s noon. The men rest under trees near the Havana sugar factory where they work, barely looking up as a dusty cloud approaches on the dirt-packed road.

“Here she come again, Juan,” one of the men sleepily says.

“Si,” replies Juan as Hillary Clinton and her small entourage tear into the factory parking lot. She’s in the middle of a whirlwind campaign of the Caribbean nation of Cuba, three quick days to get her message out to the Cuban voters.

“This man, Raul Castro, has wanted to be dictator since he was in kindergarten. Half the stuff he says? Stolen from Stalin,” Hillary tells the small crowd, her voice worn to a rough edge from months on the campaign trail. “Can we support someone better than him?”

“Miami’s Hispanic population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over the course of 50 years is working.” –Stephen Colbert

“President Bush said that in the event that Castro does die he has a plan in place to show the Cuban people there’s a better way than the plan they’re currently living under. Hey forget Cuba, how ’bout showing us that plan. I would love to see this plan.” –Jay Leno

“The people of Miami are celebrating tonight because Fidel Castro has temporarily stepped down. He had to undergo surgery so he’s transferred his presidential power to his brother Jeb Castro. Actually Castro’s brother’s name is Raul. As soon as his brother Raul found out he was taking over, he turned his raft around and went back to Havana.” –Jay Leno

A Communist stands on a street corner yelling, “Fidel delivered us from our chains!” A drunk stumbling by answers, “And our watches, rings, bracelets, and necklaces.”

Still another teacher shows her class a photograph of President Bush and asks if anyone recognizes him. Absolute silence. She continues, “Let me give you a hint: It is because of this man that we Cubans go hungry.” Pepito jumps up and says, “I didn’t recognize him without his beard and uniform.”

Before the Revolution, there used to be a sign at the Havana Zoo that read: “Please Don’t Feed the Animals.” After Castro had been in power a couple of years, it was changed to: “Please Don’t Take the Animals’ Food.” Eventually, however, even this was not enough. The sign now reads: “Please Don’t Eat the Animals.” [Truth is stranger than fiction: a man was recently sent to jail in Cuba for stealing a white swan from the Havana Zoo to feed to his starving family."]