Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

All Hackers have a little tool they can plug into any computer and it will be compatible with that computer. The tool will immediately crack any password.

Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function. (See “Demolition Man” and countless others)

All files on any computer are easily searchable and always named exactly what the hacker is looking for. And they do it all without Google Desktop Search.

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems transmit data at a speed of two gigabytes per second.

You can actually just bring your own modem and hook it to the computer and start sending right away! See Alias and other TV shows.

When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

Computers in big manufacturing plants and missile sites still have a lot of big colored buttons and lights that are flashing and such.

If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. (e.g., “Clear and Present Danger”)

If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

But that isn’t a problem because the password is written down and in the desk drawer or taped to the bottom of it or hidden in exactly the third book you will look for on the bookshelf of a thousand books.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more big buttons it has (”Aliens”). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

Many of today’s computers are setup so you can put on special gloves and use your hands to flip through all of the computer files which are in sections that look like buildings when you wear the special glasses that come with it.

Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Y-MP.

Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face. (See “Alien,” “2001″)

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter’s swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about two seconds to say, “Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!”

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, “Quit looking out the window! Aren’t you paying attention to me?”

“Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma’am. It’s just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they’d show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!”

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

“Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark.”

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.”

About half the class rose and came forward.

“The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher, “these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark.”

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”

A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”

The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert!”