Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What’s the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “the People.” We’ll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?
Son: I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.
That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegies by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your signigicant other about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of Exlax, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your big toe with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.
Jeremy Zawodny was working hard one day when Jerry Yang called him. “Jeremy, I have a mission for you,” Jerry said.
Jeremy was ready to go. “Anything, Jerry! Just name it!”
“I want you to hire Matt Cutts away from Google,” Jerry said. “Offer him 3 months’ vacation a year. Offer him double his current salary. Bring him to me, Jeremy. I know you can do that.”
“Double his salary! 3 months’ vacation! Wow!” Jeremy said. “So if I hire Matt Cutts, what will be in it for me?”
Jerry said quietly, “Well, there will be a job opening at Google…”
The BBC asked reggae legend Bob Marley for an interview almost 24 years after his death.
The British channel admitted that it was an “embarrassing error”. “It was a really stupid mistake. Especially with April fools!”, according to the statement.
The request for the interview was made to the Bob Marley Foundation, and was part of a series of requests to artists for a show on radio channel BBC3.
The BBC requested the interview by e-mail with a standard text. This e-mail was sent to hundreds of receivers. According to the BBC, the Bob Marley Foundation had a pretty good laugh, but the channel apologized nevertheless.
At a mayoral forum at Central High School in Philadelphia last February, each of the five Democrats running in the primary was asked to predict the next president.
Nutter’s answer: “I’ll go out on a limb. Sen. [Barack] Obama.”
His response triggered a round of applause and whoops from the young audience.
So why this?
Maybe it had to do with a certain Illinois senator distributing an e-mail to the supporters of U.S. Rep. Chaka Fattah, who just happened to be one of Nutter’s rivals in the race, to fund her campaign.
