Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

Bush: “Knock, Knock!”
Clinton: “Who’s there?”
Bush: “I’m Obama…”
Clinton: “I’m Obama who?”
Bush: “I’m Obamaran just for the hell of it!”

Where was John McCain when Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana?

He was making the most of his photo opportunity with George Bush on his birthday!

McCain: “I told you, if there was a major catasrophe, I’d be on the ground, doing my part.”
Bush: “You know Hurricane Katrina just wiped out most of Louisiana, right?”
McCain: “It’s my birthday! Can we talk about this later?”
Bush: “Well, my dad and I are going down there for a fishing trip. Wanna talk about it when I get back?”
McCain: “Sounds good. Smile!”

Later that week…

Be sure to pay close attention to the questions before answering, if you get more than 1 wrong, you get a one-way ticket to stupidville!

1. If there are five oranges at the store, and you take away three, how many do you have?
1
2
3
4
5

2. Lee’s parents emigrated from China. They have five children. The first four are named La, Le, Li, and Lo. What did they name the fifth?
Lala
Lu
Lee
Lii

3. A yellow house is made from yellow blocks, a red house is made from red blocks, a pink house is made from pink blocks, and a black house is made from black blocks. What is a greenhouse made from?
Yellow Blocks
Stones
Wood
Green Blocks
Glass

4. The Spanish Civil War, which began July 17 of 1936, was fought between:
Spain and Poland
Spain and England
Spain and France
Spain and the U.S.A.
Spain and Russia
None of the Above

5. Is there a 4th of July in England?
yes
no
only in leap years

6. 33 horses are standing in a field, when suddenly a bolt of lightning kills all but 9 of them. How many are left?
0
9
24
33

7. Due to a birth defect, a boy is born with 14 toes, 11 fingers, and 3 thumbs. How many fingernails does the boy have?
3
11
14
28

8. George Bush’s approval rating has recently fluctuated between 35% and 60%. Approximately what chance does George Bush have to win the 2008 Presidential election?
0%
25%
50%
75%
100%

9. Next September, a teacher will hold up her calender and say “Some of these months have 31 days, and some have 30 days. But how many here have 28 days?” What should her students reply?
0
1
2
3
4
5

10. Based on the following onformation, can you answer this question? You’re the pilot of an airplane that travels from New York to Chicago - a distance of 800 miles. The plane travels at 200 MPH and makes one stop for 30 minutes. What is the pilot’s name?
Yes, I can answer this question based on the information provided.
No, I cannot answer this question based on the information provided.
No one could answer this question based on the information provided!

11. The Vice President of the United States has died. Who will be President now?
The Speaker of the House
The Senate Majority Leader
The Secretary of State
The President
The First Lady

12. Jenny digs a hole that is 2 yards wide, 3 yards long, and 2 yards deep. How many cubic feet of dirt are in it?
0
7
21
324
12

13. When you adjust for inflation, which is worth more:
1908 quarters
1963 quarters
1977 quarters
2000 quarters
2007 quarters

14. Two U.S. coins are worth a total of $0.30, and one of them is not a nickel. What are the coins?
This is impossible!
a quarter and a nickel
two dimes and two nickels

Answers: 1. 3  2. Lee  3. Glass  4. None of the Above  5. Yes  6. 33  7. 11  8. 0%  9. 0  10. Yes, I can answer this question based on the information provided.  11. The President  12. 0  13. 2007 quarters  14. a quarter and a nickel

If you did well, congratulations! You deserve a very small plastic trophy. If you did poorly, than you should reconsider your goals in life. BTW…try to avoid having children if you can. The world would greatly appreciate it.

Three men met at a party, and it wasn’t long until the conversation
got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove…

The first man said, “I own a sign company, so naturally…I have a purple Neon.”

The other 2 men nodded.

The second man said, “I’m a veterinarian, so naturally…I have a white ‘Vette.”

The third man was quiet for a moment, as if hesitant to speak.

He finally said, “Well, I’m a proctologist, so naturally…I have a…brown Probe.

This is India…where we call for tech support.