This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.

WhoLetTheBlogOut’s Academic Department has decided to grade them and help them with a career choice.

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. (I give this future dishwasher B-)

2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. (There are some Deacons that deserve this, so I give this future news reporter a B. Later he or she will be able to hold everyone over the flame as a part of the media.)

3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. (Well, this future fireman would be right if you could smell an odorless gas so C+)

4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin. (I give this future Bartender a C)

5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. (A C- for this student whose career in advertising should go well.)

6. Liter: A nest of young puppies. (And a D for this future Dog Breeder)

7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat. (D- and this one has no prospects other than say a correctional institution and i’m not talking about becoming a guard.)

8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away. (C+ for this future Wedding Planner or Hallmark Gift Card Writer)

9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives. (A C just because he spelled Vaccuum right. It will come in handy for his career as a Janitor)

10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. (This future Veterinarian gets an A+ and his methods of artificial insemination will likely be illegal in most states.)

11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects. (C- for this person who will likley be the head of the NRA when he or she grows up)

12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. (A is the grade for this future Anchorperson. Their gift for the obvious will come in handy)

13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. (I have to give a C- to this future Plastic Surgeon)

14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops. (B- for this future Emergency Room Nurse)

15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. (An A for this obvious Ear, Nose, and Throat Doctor)

16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German. (At first I thought George W. Bush wrote this. I give them a B and look forward to them running for President someday)

17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. (And this one could very well have been written by John McCain, but I give it a C. This one is yet another student who will likely be incarcerated or become a politician or both. The qualifications are about the same.)

18. Blood flows down one leg and up the the other. (D. Brain Surgeon maybe.)

They all pass in today’s society and many of them have promising futures. The sad thing is that there are many adults who would have done worse than this.

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