10. At your first meeting, he keeps looking out the window and asking if you were followed.

9. He asks if you can pay your bill up front and in cash.

8. He keeps telling you how nice looking your wife is and asking what she will be doing if you go to jail.

7. At your first consultation, he asks you if you want to play hackeysack.

6. He’s the only person the bailiff searches on the way in to court.

5. He shows up to court wearing a fake mustache, nose, and eyeglasses.

4. He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

2. He picks the jury by playing “eeny-meeny-miny-mo.”

1. He tells you that he has never told a lie.

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