1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Never believe anything you see or hear in an infomercial. No one who learns the secret to making millions is really going to share it with you for $49.95, 99.95, or even $300.
3. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “committees”.
4. The politician you are listening to is lying. Period. No Exceptions.
5. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
6. Movies made by Oliver Stone and Michael Moore are not objective, nor do they represent the truth. Neither does Fox News.
7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
8. Atheism is a religion. So is Darwinism and Evolution.
9. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
10. The salesman you are talking to is lying or at the very least leaving out something important.
11. You should not confuse your career with your life.
12. TV shows are not “brought to you by the sponsor”. Advertisers bought commercial time and usually have no clue which show their commercial will be on.
13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14. People who have no sense of humor should be avoided at all cost.
15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
16. Wars are never started for the reasons they tell you. Never.
17. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
18. The best safe driving tip is “Remember, anyone can get a drivers license.”
19. Never lick a steak knife.
20. Or an ice tray.
21. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
22. Fast Food restaurants are not fast and there is no nutritional value to anything on the menu despite what their ads tell you.
23. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
24. All men are not stupid and all women are not smart no matter what tv sitcoms would have you believe.
25. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
26. It is not true just because you read it in Wikipedia.
27. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
28. Just having a website does not entitle you to make thousands of dollars while you sleep. Just having a website does not mean you will ever make money online. If you see an infomercial that claims they can help you make thousands of dollars online, they are lying to you.
29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
30. Not everyone who uses the Internet also uses Google.
31. “The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
32. The government is not looking out for your best interest nor are they passing any current legislation just “for the children.”
33. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
34. We will not have alternative energy until the right people can control it and profit from it.
35. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
36. It is not a coincidence when gas prices are high and oil companies make record profits.
37. Your real friends love you anyway.
38. Credit cards were never meant to be maxed out.
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