Funny Jokes, Pictures, Videos

Hillary Hits Campaign Trail In Cuba

HAVANA, Cuba (CAP) - It’s noon. The men rest under trees near the Havana sugar factory where they work, barely looking up as a dusty cloud approaches on the dirt-packed road.

“Here she come again, Juan,” one of the men sleepily says.

“Si,” replies Juan as Hillary Clinton and her small entourage tear into the factory parking lot. She’s in the middle of a whirlwind campaign of the Caribbean nation of Cuba, three quick days to get her message out to the Cuban voters.

“This man, Raul Castro, has wanted to be dictator since he was in kindergarten. Half the stuff he says? Stolen from Stalin,” Hillary tells the small crowd, her voice worn to a rough edge from months on the campaign trail. “Can we support someone better than him?”

Steve jobs and Apple are always coming out with something new. We have also learned they now officially own the letter I. Check out their latest new technology!

Steve Jobs Unveils New iTurtleneck

SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) - Saving his best announcement for his last, Apple CEO Steve Jobs waited until the very end of the Macworld Expo to show off the release of the new iTurtleneck. The news capped a year of speculation among Mac lovers who left last year’s Expo disappointed.

“It’s a state-of-the-art garment,” Jobs told the crowd of excited techno-geeks, none of whom could find a date to bring. “The iTurtleneck includes a wide range of exciting new features and capabilities, yet resembles an ordinary turtleneck. In fact, I’m wearing one now. . .

This was just too funny not to report here.

Al Qaeda To Go Younger, Hipper In 2008

KABUL, Afghanistan (CAP) - Facing increasing competition from up-and-coming terrorist organizations, officials for the world’s largest such organization have announced plans for a $200 million marketing makeover in 2008. Next month, al Qaeda will unveil its new slogan, “Get in, get out, get on with martyrdom.”

“We are aim to become of the Menudo of terror groups,” said al Qaeda spokesperson Suit Ohm al-Ybama, referring to the ’80s pop group’s penchant for asking members to leave at the age of 16. “Too much, we have the old man who becomes face of al Qaeda. This is not your father’s terror group!”

I found this year in review post to be right on the money and wanted to share it with you here.

The ‘Fear in Review’: Diary of a Scared Congress

Dear Diary:

As a freshman Congressman from the Democratic Class of ‘06, I had high hopes of doing some serious ass Bush-kicking, but as things turned out, it looks as if we were whipped like a non-neo-con on a southern Cheney gang. Here are some of the lowlights:

1. Iraq. OK, we only worked on non-binding resolutions to restrict funding for Iraq, but we did manage to put them in a … binder! But I have to admit Dubya got the upper hand once again, claiming that we’d be a bunch of wusses unless we personally participated in the surge in Sadr City. Well, Xmas in Baghdad’s not exactly like home, especially since there’s not even enough electricity to light the tree. But the news is not all bad: Jack Murtha has collected another purple heart, and they say a pretty good fireworks show is expected on New Year’s Eve.

2. Iran. Speaking of non-binding resolutions, when are we finally gonna learn to read the small print on these damn Administration proposals. Now both the Iranian Revolutionary Guards, and the Democrat Party, are labeled “terrorist organizations.”

Ok, time for my headlines for 2008. Everyone else did it so I am compelled to do one myself. But these are predictions from WhoLetTheBlogOut.com so get ready! I got some help from some people at propeller.com. Well . . . they didn’t know they were helping, but I included them anyway.

Bush Announces Haliburton to get no-bid contract to construct Iranian Nucular Plant

slate from propeller -Helen Thomas named as one of the most beautiful women in the World by Times magazine

Baseball Hall Of Fame to to increase its’ size dramatically in a very short time to make room for Items Associated with Athletes that used Growth Hormones

aceofspades1 from propeller - Rudy takes oath of office in drag - Larry Craig taps on podium

Tom Brady gets set to break even more Records as he is drafted by the LA Lakers

ranchhand from propeller - Hillary promises Americans if She is elected a mexican with a bag of pot and two suv’s in every garage

Iraq becomes 51st State. Puerto Ricans Protest Turns Violent.

aceofspades1 from propeller - Oprah Has Obama On TV Show - Gives Him Away to Audience

Usama Bin Laden Captured at 711 where he works. Said Attacks on the World Trade Center was supposed to happen in July, not September.

ranchhand from propeller - Obama & Hillary Caught in Underwear. Said He was being Briefed.

Supreme Court Gives Control of Nobel Committee over to Dick Cheney. Ex-President George Bush receives Nobel Peace Prize.

Rinty from propeller - “BILL O’REILLY WINS NEWS MAN OF THE YEAR”

Hannity of Fox News Sued by Putin. Claims “Hannity’s America” was identical to “Putin’s Russia”, which he created first

sumptuousdigs from propeller - Wilbur Post and Mr. Ed named in Steroid Scandal!

Bin Laden to be Marie Osmond’s Dance Partner on Dancing With The Stars.

cowboygrandpa from propeller - Herman Munster admits he took the Human Growth drug for his role as Herman.

Ex-President Bush Loses in First Round on TV Show, Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.

ranchhand from propeller - Edwards announces New Line of hair Products. ” Presidential Plus” Guaranteed to take on wind

Daily Newspapers in Major Markets begin to Deliver Papers on Sunday and refer users to their Blogs the rest of the week

Spadecaller from propeller - “George Bush Jr. Assigns brother, Jeb Bush, to Insure Intergrity of the 2008 Election.”

OJ Found Not Guilty By Reason of Stupidity By All Stupid Jury. Defense Lawyers Admit Using IQ Tests to Select Jurors.

The Paris Hilton Diet, AnorexicPlus, Kills 200

George Bush Declares Social Bookmarking Illegal Saying Socialism has no place in this Country

New Book Released Called “What Does Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and Britney Spear’s Panties have in Common?”

Microsoft Buys Google. Does Away With Do No Evil Slogan

OpenID Hacked. Technical Gurus Admit in Retrospect having Everyone’s Passwords all in One Place was not a Good Idea.

Google Monetizes “Cached” Webpages - Owners of Websites Left Out Of Profits

Bill Gates Sues AT&T. Claims Patent by Alexander Graham Bell Infringes on Several Microsoft Patents

Bush Urges Congress to let him Invade Belgium. Says Evidence that Belgium Has UFOs is Overwhelming.

RSS Feed Implant Made Available for Your Children. Parents Now Get Up-to-the-minute updates on whatever their children are doing

Italy Declares War on France. Ends in Tie. Both Countries Still Winless.

After a one-year wait, the 50th Person to see Jessica Simpson’s New Movie Blonde Ambition Wins A Date With Her.

Ex-President Bush Accused of Affair with Lindsay Lohan while in Rehab Together

Mike Tyson Undergoes Sex Change in Switzerland. Promoters say his Next Title Fight against Hillary Clinton will be the Highest Grossing Fight in History.

Wal-Mart Raises it’s Average Wage to $3 per hour

Playboy Publishes All Text Version For Men Who Only Buy It For The Stories

Al-Queda Claims Responsibility For Leaning Tower of Pisa

Bush Awarded an Oscar for his Performance Involving the Iraq War

NE Patriots Sweep the Yankees in the World Series After Perfect Season. Steinbrenner Buys Patriots team, Sells Yankees

New Mphone Released by Microsoft Using a Dialer instead of a touchpad. One User States “It’s Great! You put your finger in a small hole and spin it around to the top for each number you want to dial! Great Fun! What will Microsoft Invent Next?”

Class Action Suit Filed Against Yahoo by the People of West Virginia over the Name Yahoo

Little League Quarterback, Lester Goodman of the Lake Watchamacallit Eagles Football Team Accused of Steroid Use

Bill Cosby Loses Contract With Jello After Revealing That Jello Contains Growth hormones

In Related News, Barry Bonds Claims He ate a lot of Jello and Unknowingly Took Steroids by doing so

Additional Charges Brought Against OJ for Resisting Arrest. He can be heard on tape saying, “Don’t Tase Me Bro!”

The Democratic Party Added to List of Terroist Organizations by Dick Cheney. Hillary Clinton helps swing the vote in Congress for the bill to pass.

Hillary Clinton to be on Next Girls Gone Wild Video to Save Her Presidential Campaign. Critics Claim Husband Bill Used His Contacts to get her a spot in the video

Breaking Story From CAP News;

Montana First State To Ban “Why Are You Hitting Yourself?”

HELENA, Mont. (CAP) - In a stunning move today, the Montana State Senate ratified a controversial new law which bans children from playing the age-old game, “Why are you hitting yourself?”

Popular among American children since the 1930s, the rules of the game are simple: an older sibling sits on top of a younger sibling and then forces the younger child to pummel the living bejesus out of him or herself, all the while chanting rythmically, “Why are you hitting yourself?”

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), ), with more than 1.8 million members and supporters, is the largest animal rights organization in the world.

They wish not to be confused with the former owners of the PETA.org domain name, People Eating Tasty Animals.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA tells WhoLetTheBlogOut.com Reporters that she is once again outraged. (We have learned that she rarely is found not to be outraged at something. “But this time it’s about the murderers who drive our roads”, she says.

From The NYTimes
By JIM ROBBINS

As Cars Hit More Animals on Roads, Toll Rises

Ingrid says her surveillance caught this guy swerving away to miss an animal crossing the road but wants us to know that “this is not enough! Animals are still being hit by cars and we will not rest until every car is taken off the road!”

BOZEMAN, Mont. — On a dark highway near Anchorage, Specialist Steven Cavanaugh of the Army, who had survived 300 missions in Iraq, was critically injured in December when his vehicle hit a moose. Specialist Cavanaugh died Dec. 6.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA tells WhoLetTheBlogOut.com Reporters that while she is not seeking the death penalty for hitting an animal on the road, she wishes to protect these animals at any cost.

During her work as a humane officer, Ingrid discovered the enormous amount of animal abuse taking place behind closed doors in laboratories, on factory farms, etc. She met Alex Pacheco when he volunteered at the shelter she worked at, and he gave her a copy of Peter Singer’s book Animal Liberation. It inspired her to found PETA in 1980 with the goals of investigating, publicizing and ending animal cruelty.

Since its founding, PETA has exposed horrific cruelty in animal laboratories, leading to canceled funding, closed facilities, and hundreds of charges filed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture; closed the largest horse-slaughtering operation in North America; convinced dozens of designers to stop using fur; cleaned up substandard animal shelters; helped schools find alternatives to dissection; provided information on vegetarianism, companion animal care, and countless other issues to millions of people.

And now vows she will get cars off the road as well!

In the early morning darkness in Lincoln, Mont., in October, a pickup slammed into a 830-pound grizzly bear. The driver survived, but the bear was among seven grizzlies — a record for one year — killed by vehicles this year statewide.

When asked about this case, Ingrid vowed to “Protect grizzly bears against murderous drivers everywhere. Our grizzlies are being killed by motor vehicles at the alarming rate of one time per, well . . . one time.”

In addition to the loss of life, the accidents can be expensive. The average cost of a deer collision is $8,000, including repair, towing and cleaning up the carcass, while hitting an elk averages $18,000. If the driver strikes a much larger moose, expenses average about $30,000.

Ingrid commented on this by saying that these killer drivers should also pay a fine, which of course would go right into the PETA fund for prosecuting drivers who murder animals.

From lileks.com

This would seem to be a segment of an intestine from some creature that ingested the fender from an old DeSoto. In any case, it’s alarmingly aerodynamic, this meat; very modern and streamlined. Perhaps this recipe hails from the 1939 World’s Fair.

Note! the vegetables are strictly ornamental.

Visit Vegetus.org for more cartoons

This has of course just been a parody and since PETA loves to sue anyone who crosses there path, we want you to know this is a parody. Ingrid said none of the above statements. Please don’t sue us Ingrid. I haven’t ran over an animal for a real long time. Well, do armadillos count? It wasn’t my fault. Really! The armadillo attacked my car! I was defending myself!

I found this hilarious and wanted to share it here. It’s from CAP News.

Survivor In Da Hood

Fans of Survivor will recognize the formula: a group of people (all white, in this case) are set down in an unfamiliar environment where they not only must survive, but also compete against each other to see who will be the sole survivor. The Newark location, however, provides a number of interesting twists.

USA Today To Run Only Pictures Of Attractive People

MCLEAN, Va. (CAP) - In a move that industry analysts say illustrates the challenges facing traditional media outlets, the Gannet company announced this week that it would run only photos of attractive people in its newspapers, including USA Today.

Who Let The Blog Out has obtained a newspaper from the year 2048. This exclusive report can only be found on WhoLetTheBlogOut.com. So take a walk with us 41 years into the future and see what we have to look forward to.

Osama Bin Laden Reward Raised to $50,000,000 In Effort To Capture The Elusive Terrorist.

President Svedlana Bush Urges Congress To Pass Bill Nullifying The US Constitution Vowing To Finsh What Her Grandfather Started.

Troop Surge In Iraq Is Achieving Success According To GOP Leaders.

Iran’s Nuclear Program Nearing Completion According To Haliburton, The Contractor Involved In The Project.

Bill Would Reinstate The Legality Of Marriage Between People Of The Opposite Sex.

Latest Paris Hilton Sex tape Labeled Gross By Critics.

Fanatical Scientologist Suicide Bombings On The Rise.

FBI Most Wanted Terrorist Tom Cruise Escapes Capture.

Wal-Mart Forms Own Government.

Election News: Saudi Arabia Gains 25 Seats In US Senate.

Mandatory Steroid Use Rules In Effect In Major League Baseball. Non-Users Disciplined By Baseball Commissioner.

Brett Favre To Retire After This Year.

FCC Approves NewsCorp To Be America’s Only News Source.

Ex-President Lou Dobbs Embraces Illegal Immigration As Answer To America’s Labor Problems.

Rush Limbaugh Jr. Files For Disability Due To Anal Cysts. Claims Cannot Continue To Sit Behind The Mike At His Radio Show.

Judge Rules Britney Spears An Unfit Grandmother.